Thursday, February 24, 2011 8:41 PM
I am back with more unhappy things to say, unfortunately. Feeling both physically and mentally tired. I give up totally man. I just want this to stop like asap. Please.
Yesterday, I thought that its improving. I was totally wrong again. He came in the afternoon and I remember opening the gate for him. The same expression was seen everytime he comes in. Went back to rest after that shift.
I was told to do some job that was not supposed to be done by duty personnel. It should be done by those who were on standby. I did not think too much as the GC said that there is not enough manpower. So I step in to do it. I was Ok with it, really.
Felt strange when the GC came a while later. He seemed like sopt checking me, whether did I take the opportunity to slack. However, I still did not think outside the box.
The next thing I know was duty partner told me something. Never have I thought of him doing that to me. Now I know. Its him who instructed the GC to let me do it. Duty partner was nice enough to tell me to beware, he is targetting me.
Emo the rest of the day. I tried ways to cover it up but to no avail. I was quite down all the way till my first duty at 9pm, when I feel so much better talking my duty mate.
I was really appreciative of the GC and G2 to cover all things up, making it totally not obvious that its actually him who instructed me to do it.
Till now, I still could not eradicate the phobia in going back to camp. I am trying to. I did not expect that it turned out to be that painful and torturing. I need to endure, which is what i can ONLY do.
I am praying, praying hard that his mood turns better. I really hope I don't affect him for no ood reason.
Wanna thank Yoke for accompanying me to KBOX today. Need that break severely! It helped me relax a bit. He did tell me some opinion and is a good listener. Grateful for that! Thanks Yoke Hung.
Right now, I just hope for time to pass quickly. This rainy season(not literally raining) for me is kind of a bad omen. Bad bad days are experienced. I need a break. I need to cry it all out and be strong after that.
I hope I really can pull through.........
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