fallingofffromtheedge
Are u ready for this?
$t@ns s0nGs.
Had Carls Junior for the first time with them. Its really expensive but its nice. I tried BEEF on this day but small amount! I felt a little sinful(is this the reason for the tragic aftermath?) Bought a can-opener from a deaf! Thank god at least i did something to repay back. Headed to my favourite spot after the sumptuous dinner! 
The scenery is still the same. As romantic, as windy, as emotional as ever. Talked to Yaya for quite sometime about lots of stuffs! Thanks! At least part of my grievances are vanished! Next up, walked all the way to MT. FABER!
The jouney is long, the journey is tedious, the journey needs lots of motivation. Had a good run upslope and had frequent leg cramps! Nevertheless, i continued to persevere and run as far as i could!(I hope so for the rest of my life). In the end, i was perspiring like hell! The last lap, we walked up without any complain. The time is 10pm then!
I have already know what is in my mind to shout it out once i've reached the peak of MT FABER! Bro called to ask me to join for Kbox and enquire which song is a MUST SING in Kbox! I replied with much lack of oxygen! CHUAN!
At that very last few steps i remember, someone suddenly got Gastric pain! I pull up, i bring the person to the stairs and motivate! Yes, and i finally Finally FINALLY reach the peak! The words to describe" Awe-Inspiring, reminiscing, marvellous, excellent etc! Took 2 pictures only before _______(something memorable happened)!
The MERLION at the peak of MT FABER!
I dunno where this place is! But just feel like taking it! At this point of time i was alone. I was walking and viewing the night scenery that MT FABER can produce. Something triggered my eyes to turn watery and is still a question mark till now! 'Reminiscing'?
Back to my pals and we stood in a line, quietly, peacefully viewing other small Indonesia Islands! Suddenly, my DAD called! I know it is going to be hard for me to handle that when i tell them(mum and dad together at that time) i am not going home that night! I could no longer stay strong, i could no longer be myself, hiding away the lousy feelings in me, i could no longer stand up and retaliate! I told them the truth the i really need some time for myself! With the ambience and with the lousy thoughts, this mix feeling made Stan in a really really difficult position that he couldnt take it anymore! He burst, he sobbed while talking to his mum, hearing some encouraging words from them! ' Why are u crying? If cannot then nvm, at least u've tried ur best. Mum and Dad never expect a lot from u, i know u have tried ur best!' Stan-" Mum, i really need time tonight, pls grant me and not bother me, i am really VexXXxx ="X!
After hanging up, wish granted,i was left to pack up amidst tears and a heart breaking. I tell u the feeling really suck! It suck BIG (X infinity) times! F is the word! I sobbed like nobody business! I have never sobbed so severely for a long long time! All pals were off to other places and left me alone to cool myself down. Thanks! I really need a big CRY OUT LOUD! Thanks Rups, who consoled me wholeheartedly, gave me lots of advise that is essential to me. U know what and why i sobbed about? Yeah, its my school work!
I think that i am not productive at all. After these 2-3 weeks of holidays what exactly have i really studied! How much effort put in? How difficult is to pull through that tough route! I remember saying" Hnnnnnggg, Ive tried so damn hard and now i have this reverse effect, i hate it! I dun feel like studying anymore! Must as well flung it since its redundant! How can i fight with those ACJC, RJC, Hwa Chong students? I felt really sucky! How can i beat them? Must as well go Poly, might as well just stop now and relax! FUCK IT MAN! And i hate changes for ur info, which made the situation worse! AHHHH!!!" I am not progressing AT ALL! "Getting only 5/50 for GP compre, what is the use ~~~~ I know my parents is getting old and i have already wasted 1 entire yr(sec 5) and i am going to waste 1 more year in JC? I really dun wish my parents to waste their $ on me this year and at the end a fruitless lead." What to do Rups, i really chose the wrong path!!!
After the F***king good cry that hide inside me for 3 months came out entirely and i felt so much better with peer support! But i seriously have no face, no guts to face them as i think i got so many things not fulfilled! They supported me and say i can, everyone gave me high hopes and being a ambitious person, i simply cannot accept the fact that i am not progressing! I did not fulfil their requirements! SO SORRY, Stan has again never proven it to u. Till then, i have already decided on what to do next, what not to do cos its DAMN DAMN tiring seeing this over and over again. In the end, u made urself so unhappy, what is the point?
To SRJC peers: Hui Ying- Now i know why u cried on that day to Yongxin and i can feel how u felt that day! I will not laugh at u again! 1S30- If u all r viewing this, i hope u would not laugh at me for crying at this age but i really hope to have some support for u all to go on, if not i think i will give up!
To my always there for me pals- I thank u for that night, sitting and chatting with me, helping me as much as possible to solve my problems! Thanks A LOT! =) Oh ya, thanks for making me laugh when u all r dancing at 1am?
To 513 and others- I hope u wouldn't laugh at me crying at this age. Perhaps i need sometime and some encouragement to STANd up again!Back to Meiling, bath and sat down to chat again. Felt better at that point of time! But i know i have to prepare for the tsunami for 4 days! That is it!
Wednesday
Talked like till 6am? Couldn't really sleep well! Tossed around, in the end i think i slept only 3 hours? Ya... Then Mac delivery for brunch and then watched some stupid-lame videos.. By Kumar and Hosan Leong! LOL, its really funny la... Ok, then out of a sudden, i am not too sure what had happen! Rups was getting high! I was allured by her movements! I tell u when she is 18 and going to club, she will be a very very good dancer! CONFIRM! Dance along too, till like 5pm? Then in the end, went home at 5.30pm, reach home at 6.30pm.. And here i am blogging!
The time period seemed short BUT then its so damn damn fast! I am super duper tired now! I am seriously shocked that my parents are encouraging me, telling me to try my best and not care about the grades. So long as i've tried my best they are happy, even if i get 20/100!(touched)! But no matter what, I really hope to go on! But i need motivation! LOTS!
I am so sorry for saying F*** for so many times!(Joycelyn, i proven u wrong, sorry)
Regards
STAN(hidden secrets in him)
Labels: Super duper down